TDS Sufferer Claims Impending Nervous Breakdown for 1144th Time

Only cured by a glass of wine and a hot bath.

In a stunning display of mental fortitude and resilience, local woman and avid BlueSky user, Karen Smith, has once again taken to social media to declare her impending nervous breakdown. This marks the 1144th time that Smith, a long-time sufferer of Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS), has made such a claim since the inauguration of President Donald J. Trump in January 2025.

Smith's latest bout of hysteria comes in response to recent efforts by DOGE, under the leadership of Elon Musk, to remove government corruption. In her initial post on BlueSky, Smith left no room for ambiguity regarding her emotional state.

"I just heard about DOGE's plan to 'clean up' the government and I'm literally going to have a nervous breakdown. Right here, right now. This is the end of the world as we know it! #Resist #NotMyPresident"

As the day progressed, Smith's posts became even more frantic and emotional, each one garnering more attention and support from her fellow TDS sufferers on BlueSky.

"This is a COUP! DOGE is trying to overthrow our beloved deep state! I'm screaming into my pillow right now! #TheResistance #SaveOurSwamp"

In a particularly dramatic post, Smith declared, "IF DOGE DOESN'T STOP THIS IMMEDIATELY, I SWEAR I WILL SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST FROM SHEER OUTRAGE! MY BLOOD IS BOILING! #TrumpIsKillingMe"

Despite her repeated claims of an impending nervous breakdown, Smith has yet to follow through on her threats. Sources close to the BlueSky user have revealed that she continues to lead a relatively normal life, with no signs of any actual mental health issues other than terminal TDS.

When reached for comment, a spokesperson for DOGE responded, "We appreciate Ms. Smith's passion and concern for our efforts to combat government corruption. However, we kindly ask that she seek professional help for her TDS before engaging further on this topic."

Among the outrageous examples of government overspending uncovered by DOGE are a $500,000 grant for studying the mating habits of shrimp, a $1.5 million project to create a "hipster" party game, and a $10 million program to send English teachers to foreign countries to teach local children how to properly pronounce the word "quinoa."

As news of these ridiculous expenditures spread, Karen Smith's posts on BlueSky reached new levels of hyperbole and absurdity.

"They're trying to take away our shrimp research funding! This is an attack on science and knowledge! I can't handle this. #SaveTheShrimp #FundTheResearch"

In response to the hipster party game, Smith wrote, "This is a blatant attempt to suppress the creative freedom of our nation's hipsters. I'm so angry, I'm seeing red. #HipsterLivesMatter #ArtOverCorruption"

And finally, regarding the quinoa pronunciation program, Smith declared, "This is a direct assault on our children's right to pronounce quinoa correctly. As a healthfood enthusiast and vegan, I am personally offended by this attack on our lifestyle. I'm literally on the floor sobbing right now. #QuinoaGate #StopTheMadness #VeganPower"

In addition to her textual tirades, Smith has also taken to posting memes depicting Elon Musk performing an alleged Nazi salute. Despite her previous posts in support of autism awareness, Smith insists Musk’s alleged autism should not be considered as a mitigating factor. She now also interprets Musk’s rate of eye blink, nose scratching, and even the way he ties his shoes as indisputable proof of his secret Nazi affiliation, arguing that these seemingly innocent actions are actually a complex code used to communicate with his underground network of fascist sympathizers.

For example, Smith posted a photo of Elon Musk using a pen during a recent press conference, accompanied by a detailed analysis of how the angle of his fingers and the direction of his gaze revealed his true intentions. "It's all there in plain sight," she declared, "and only those who truly understand the depths of this conspiracy can decipher the hidden messages he's sending to his followers."

She also cites Musk’s penchant for Aviator sunglasses as proof he is a Nazi.

"Look at this! Elon is showing his true colors. He's a literal Nazi! Why isn't anyone talking about this? #ExposeElon #NaziSalute #NaziAviators"

As the day came to a close, Smith posted one final message on BlueSky: "Just had a long bath and a glass of wine. Feeling much better now. But mark my words, if DOGE doesn't stop this madness, I WILL have a breakdown. #StrongerTogether"

The world waits with bated breath to see if Karen Smith will finally make good on her promise of a nervous breakdown or if this, like the 1143 times before, will be just another empty threat.