Man Disowned for Supporting Trump Sees the Light
From Trump Supporter to Kamala Lover Thanks to Family Drama
Note: You are subscribed to The Cheesy Reader satirical website because you subscribed to one of our sister publications. Thank you for your support!
In a stunning turn of events that has left friends and family buzzing, local man Tom Jenkins has announced a dramatic shift in his political allegiance. After years of steadfastly supporting Trump, Tom posted a heartfelt message on Facebook, crediting a tearful TikTok video from his cousin Martha—an emotional plea from the heart—as the catalyst for his change of heart.
In his post, Tom detailed how he went from being a proud MAGA Republican to a self-proclaimed Kamala Harris advocate overnight, leaving many to wonder if this is a case of genuine enlightenment or merely an act of survival in the family drama that unfolds in the age of social media.
What follows is Tom's post, complete with a few new rules he's eager to share:
You know, when my mother emailed me that candy-ass Jimmy Kimmel video begging Republicans to vote for Harris, I tossed it into right into the trash. And when my fair-weather friends posted long-winded pleas on Facebook, telling me that the “moral” thing to do was to vote against Trump, I just rolled my eyes. If they were lucky. Usually I just flamed the pants off of them.
But it wasn’t until Martha, my cousin, who by the way has three cats but that’s an aside, sent me a tearful TikTok video, face caked in mascara, explaining how she was sadly disowning me for supporting Trump. Me! Her favorite cousin!
Now, Martha and I usually got into arguments over the eggnog bowl at the annual family Christmas party. Last year we argued over Martha calling Christmas a “colonizing” holiday. But this TikTok video was different. Martha wasn’t just pouting. She was disowning me!
Suddenly it hit me: Trump must be worse than I thought if she’s willing to part ways with me. I mean, ME! I thought I was practically a national treasure. Could I, a pillar of the community, actually be wrong about Trump?
Well, even though I really don’t talk to Martha much anyway, I suddenly saw the light! Trump must be really, really bad if Martha is willing to remove me – I mean, ME! – from her presence. After all, I’m a bad ass!
If Martha was willing to cut me from her life, she must know something I don’t know. Suddenly my eyes opened, as if in a flash. I’m born again!
Wow! My whole worldview has shifted! I don’t know why I didn’t see it earlier. Kamala Harris is God’s gift to women! She’s amazing! I love her so much now! The voice. That luxurious hair!
Better yet, since this persuasion method – I call it “Proactive Disownment” – was so effective with me, I have decided to practice the fine art of disowning people whenever they don’t see things the same way that I do.
I’m now the proud ambassador of disowning! If you ask about my Spotify playlist and suggest better songs? DISOWNED! Don’t like Mustangs? DISOWNED! Think 5 Guys is better than Whataburger? DISOWNED!
In fact, I recently converted a die-hard Yankees fan into a Red Sox supporter just through the sheer, raw power of disowning! It really works! That one was just for fun, by the way. I don’t like either team. Spectator sports are for [deleted epithet].
Now I tell everyone—don't talk to people, don’t listen to them; just practice the art of walking away. Emotional bullying for the win! It’s such a time-saver!
I feel so...empowered now. Really!
Walz/Harris 2024!
Family and friends have reacted with a mix of support, skepticism, and surprise. Cousin Martha, the very woman whose video started it all, expressed her gratitude for his newfound support.
“It means the world to me that my message resonated with him. I just wanted people to see the humanity behind the politics,” she stated, her voice thick with emotion. “But it’s not enough. I want him to get on board with other social justice issues. Like the plight of the spotted tea mouse in Zamibia.”
(Editor’s note: Martha misspoke. Let it be known for the record that there is no such country. She either meant Zambia or Namibia.)
Meanwhile, Jill Henderson, a mutual friend from their college days, candidly expressed her disbelief: “This is a huge shift! I’ve known Tom for years, and quite frankly, I thought he was too stubborn to change his mind about anything, let alone his political stance!”
Others worry about the family rift that could follow. “Tom has always been the family’s Republican anchor, and now this? I’m not sure how our Thanksgiving dinners will look going forward,” said Doug Jenkins, Tom’s younger brother. “Who am I going to argue with now?”
Adding to the chorus of reactions, close friend Lisa Matthews shared her suspicions. “I honestly think he’s just being sarcastic,” she said. “By the way, why exactly is this news? Don’t you have better things to write about?”
For now, the Jenkins family is left grappling with this new dynamic, as Tom navigates the tumultuous waters of his shifting political landscape. Only time will tell if this change is here to stay or simply a fleeting moment of social media drama.
In related news, a Kamala Harris supporter suddenly switched sides to back Trump after she instantly fell in love with Trump due to her fetish for garbage collector uniforms.